Married Things: Day 25

We're officially three and a half weeks into this glorious union that Molly and I have entered, and I've gotta say, things have been pretty awesome. We've settled into our house, the hubub surrounding our new status is dwindling, and things have finally slowed down a little bit.

It is truly amazing how fast time has flown by. (Cue my dad saying, "I told you so.")

The wedding day, the honeymoon, and everything up until now is stored in my memory as a swirling blur of emotion and color and highlights. But despite the rush of these past few weeks, I've managed to learn quite a bit of useful information about marriage that unmarried guys may or may not be aware of. Don't get me wrong...I am by no means an expert on all things matrimonial.

Heck, I'm not an expert on anything relating and/or pertaining to marriage. I understand that I'm still in that "honeymoon phase" that you relationship veterans so charmingly reflect on. But I am, in fact, still married and my wife hasn't killed me yet after living in the same house as me for nearly a month, so I must be doing something right. That, or she's lulling me into a false sense of security with food and cuddling. Regardless of whether this is the last thing I ever write or not, here's the top five things I have learned post-knot tying:

1. Always lift the toilet seat, and put it back down when you're done. Even if you're dog tired and the neighbor's obnoxious, mange-ridden chihuahua has disturbed your sleep and restored consciousness to your bladder FOR THE FIFTH TIME IN ONE NIGHT, just lower the dang lid. Because if you thought you didn't sleep well last night...you certainly won't find peace in the morning.

2. She isn't going to know/have the ability to do all the things you can do. Take weedeating, for instance. She may not understand why weedeating is necessary. You might have to explain that slamming the lawnmower into the side of the house won't gently cut the excess grass along the wall without damaging the siding. Be patient. Remember you fell in love with her for a bajillion reasons, none of which relating to her prowess in lawn care.

3. You no longer have full ownership of anything. You've departed from bachelor world where you the words "my" and "mine" dominate your vocabulary. "Our" is the new go-to when referring to anything and everything you may have at some point in your life thought you had claim to. It is now referred to as "our house." Our car. Our bed. Our television that is constantly tuned into "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" and other celebrity-filled, drama-fueled programming that makes you want to gouge your eyes out with our scissors. Sharing is caring.

4. Your friends don't understand, and it's strangely okay. Despite how you relish in the fact you can use (and overuse) the words "husband" or "wife" freely, your friends are gonna shoot you weird glances when they hear them and hesitate before they say them. They'll still be hitting you up on the weekends and summer nights just like they did before, but weirdly, unlike when you were dating, you'll be okay with it (most of the time). It's like a well-kept secret, a silent understanding between the two of you that the "dating" mentality is no more. That hectic sense of vying for each other's time is non-existent because you're together all the time. Perhaps, the weirdest change is how that time you spend together is so much deeper and cherished. And before you say it, it's not just sex that makes that time so incredible. (Mind-blowing, I know.) It's simply being in the other's presence and knowing that there's no place in the world you'd be happier.

And last but not least...

5. She is the most beautiful, wonderful, and precious thing in your life. 

Don't you ever, ever forget it.