Hollywood's Heaven

As much as I enjoy the yearly influx of people who realize they believe in Jesus overnight and google directions to the nearest place of worship, this weekend's Easter celebrations left more to be desired.

There was a big hub-bub surrounding the feel good movie of the month, Heaven is for Real, which conveniently released within days of Resurrection Sunday. A lot of people, like Molly and myself, went on opening night to see the movie. Unlike many of those people, however, we didn't go out of some obligatory sense of Christian duty to support non-secular film. We went because it looked interesting and, more importantly, the tickets were free.

Because to be brutally honest with myself and everyone else...faith-based movies generally suck. I know that doesn't make me the most popular Bible-reader on the block, but I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. They suck.

While the message may be great, the acting is consistently sub-par and restricted to a very limited range of extreme emotions. There's only so much I can take of Kirk Cameron rapidly alternating between rage and a seemingly drug-induced state of bliss. And eventually, they're bound to run out of blonde-haired, blue-eyed children and attractive middle-aged women to cast for supporting family roles that require the extensive quoting of scripture.

But what ticks me off the most about "Christian" movies isn't that the actors are laughably poor. What ticks me off is how they don't even come close to accurately representing Christians.

Flicks like Heaven is for Real don't convey the true gravity of what it means to be a Christian in an ever-declining society, to cling to a dying faith. The directors consistently fail to capture how exceedingly controversial it is to have a relationship with God in a world where toxic levels of individualism and political correctness discourage religion all together.

Believers are portrayed as a cloudy-eyed stereotype. Their lives are perfect, their picket fence is a pristine egg shell white, and every new day is full of abundant blessings. In Christian movie world, the only struggles that exist involve trust issues with God. I hate to break it to you and possibly ruin the big surprise, but none of that is realistic. 

Granted, God does bless His people, and Christians do struggle with their faith, but our lives are very much still entwined in earthly matters, and as much as we would like everyone at church to believe life is all rainbows and puppies, that's simply not the case. Believers are not immediately placed in a reality-nullifying bubble upon accepting Christ into our hearts. We aren't granted immunity from human nature and society and this imperfect world we live in.

The internal battle for those movie characters may end in a passionate prayer while gripping a cross necklace, heads bowed at the altar. But the harsh truth is that, when real Christians are on their knees, we're just calling for backup. Because in the real world, the altar is just one of many places where the battle rages on.

The church you see pictured on the big screen is full of smiling faces with "amen"s and "hallelujahs" echoing up into the rafters and triumphantly bursting forth from steeple, but what the cinematographers fail to get in the shot is all the pain in those pews. They can't film every instance where those men and women have been looked down upon because of their faith or judged because some radicals ruined their nation's predisposition about them, despised for every drawn breath and subsequent exhalation of Jesus' name. 

They'll never be able to capture the ache etched in the bones of God's battered children who long for home, their real and eternal home.

"Christian" has become a label synonymous with "virgin," with "sober" and "drug-free," with "happily married," with "innocent," with "holy." I cannot express how very misguided the notion that Christians are somehow better than anyone else is. We are not exempt from iniquity or the suffering that goes along with it. We are just as unpardonably sinful, just as irreparably broken, and just as inexcusably human as everyone else on this earth.

But the difference? The thing that sets us apart? The reigning truth that makes it all worthwhile?

We have a perfect lamb to pardon us, a master healer to repair us, and a loving God to forgive our imperfections.

Perhaps, that's why Hollywood just can't get it right. Because there's no drama or documentary or actor or writer or speaker who could ever fully explain what makes believers different. Why, you ask? Because no drama or documentary or actor or writer or speaker will ever be able to fully explain the awesomeness of our God.

A mile in someone else's slip-resistant shoes

I hate to be so wrapped up in the going-viral bandwagon lately. But if you truly and thoughtfully consider the things that people are making a fuss over, you too would sit for hours on end in your car listening to "We Didn't Start the Fire" whilst violently weeping for the future of humanity. Burn on, Mr. Joel. Burn on.

Apparently, crap like the fact that Jessica Simpson's weight has fluctuated for the eight-hundred and twelfth time this week takes precedence over advances in medicine, local development, the status of our country's economy, and...well, any form of actual news. Fortunately or unfortunately, I don't have the patience to hash out my feelings over the skewed agenda of television-based news, so naturally, I'll turn my focus to Facebook, the love child of bad grammar and unnecessary drama.

Recently, an almost two-year-old blog entitled "Confessions of a Chick-fil-A Employee" surfaced on the interwebs and began being "shared" like a fever.  As a hard-working employee of the Chick, the title quickly caught my attention and, before long, I found myself reading one of the most honest and hilarious rants that I have ever had the pleasure of coming across.  Should you ever find yourself contemplating life on the other side of that mysterious, crackling speaker box, that blog will bring you up to speed.

I was elated to see the comments section filled with current team members and CFA alumni from all across the country chiming in with their own, equally comical experiences. Truthfully, my excitement stemmed from the sheer fact that I wasn't the only one who'd been perplexed by the request for a milkshake to be placed in a bag or frustrated by the father of a Brady Bunch-sized family passing out food to all 17 of his children before exiting the drive-thru.

"This is so funny!" I said.

"This is so true and relatable!" I said.

"Everyone will love it!" I said.

But, as usual, my train of thought was derailed, set ablaze, and its ashes were peed upon by the hoarde of trolls plaguing social media.

Following the initial sympathetic comments from other employees was an honest to God book of hatred towards both the post and its author. Hardly any of the feedback actually pertained to the post itself. Instead, it was, for the most part, a massive slap to restaurant workers in general, particularly those in fast-food. The consensus, from what I read, is that those of us in fast-food, by society's standards, are an inferior breed of person. Beyond simply insulting our intelligence, some people were downright cruel in their criticism, and in light of this situation, I've decided to address a few of these assumptions, and they are indeed assumptions. And we all know what ass-uming does. *wink*

itoldyousoApril 6, 2014 at 8:30 AM

Arguing with someone who works at a fast food place for a living. Congrats. You're all idiots. For the record. You are employed there to cater to my needs. If you don't like the way I, or anyone else orders.... because we don't know what you can or can't do in your system. Find a real job. If you're out of high school and working in fast food.... you deserve to deal with douche customers. I'm just saying....

Dear itoldyouso,

Using the correct form of "you're" on two occasions within the same body of text would typically score brownie points with me, but I'm making an exception for this comment. You, like many others, have made the implication that fast-food workers are naturally uneducated. You even go so far as to state, very matter-of-factly might I add, that entry-level restaurant positions should be filled by high school students as if, upon making physical contact with a diploma, students undergo a mental transformation in which they divine their future career path and their closet is suddenly stocked with Versace suits and penny loafers.

Unfortunately for those of us who don't poop money or have gold-plated resumes, like myself, high school did not leave me appealing enough to land a six-figure salary. The executive committee at Google was sadly not impressed enough with my membership in the French Club or the National Honor Society to offer me a job.  You see, some of us have to work to build our futures, to pay for that college education that will actually make us marketable, and yes, while that work may be slaving away to cook food for ungrateful people like you, working at Chick-fil-A is, in fact, a real job...and for having to put up with the likes of you, it's not an easy one.

lovelynjladyApril 5, 2014 at 8:38 AM

what else do you expect from people who eat at chic fil hate?

Dear lovelynjlady,

LOLROTFLBBQ. "Chic-fil-hate!" So rhyme! Such clever!

Seriously though? Drop it. It's bad enough that we fast-food workers are talked down to and treated like we're on the bottom rung of humanity's grimy ladder. I get it. You're ticked because Mr. Cathy said he didn't agree with wedding bells ringin' unless it was to hitch up a guy and a gal. You disagree with him. First amendment rights don't matter. Let freedom ring anyway. I understand.

What I don't understand is how you intend to demonstrate the superiority of your side of the argument by making insults and passing a blanket judgment over every individual associated with a multi-billion dollar, nationwide restaurant chain because of the statements made by one man. You're attempting to prove how heinous and wrong it is for people to hold unwarranted prejudicial attitudes towards others by holding unwarranted prejudicial attitudes towards others. Makes total sense.

And before you pull that overused "you don't know how it feels" card, don't think that I don't understand where you're coming from. I know how it feels to be cussed up one side and down the other and your emotions trampled publicly by someone who you've literally never even met because of what my CEO said. I know how it feels to be told by a friend of several years how ashamed they are of you simply because of my place of employment. Don't ever think that I don't know what hate and prejudice feel like.

Jack JohnsonApril 7, 2014 at 6:11 PM

You know what else is annoying? Whiny employees who complain about their jobs on the Internet. Yeah it's annoying, but what's whining over the Internet going to do? And over stupid things like this? "Oh, I'm mad because today at work, someone couldn't pronounce Polynesian sauce." Do you know how ridiculous and petty you sound? This is why people have such little respect for fast food workers, because you have no idea what real problems at work are, but you complain about the petty things.

Dear Jack Johnson,

Love your music, man. I made banana pancakes for breakfast for, like, a year straight after your album came out. And your work on the Curious George soundtrack? Pure lyrical brilliance.

In all seriousness though, thank you for proving just how mentally inept you and the other interweb trolls are for bashing this girl's blog. "What's whining over the internet going to do?" Well, Mr. Johnson, you seem to have stumbled across the question of the day...in the midst of your blind retaliatory rage no less. Kinda puts a damper on the whole, "Chick-fil-A business is going to suffer from this" argument. Because that totally affected sales when the traditional marriage stuff surfaced too, right? Oh, wait...no, they topped 5 billion in sales that year. My bad.

Also, to say that fast-food workers have "no idea what real problems are" is incredibly ignorant because I would bet all the ice dream in my store that it is far more mentally and physically demanding to serve people like you with a good attitude than any obstacle faced within the walls of a cubicle.

holly woodrumApril 11, 2014 at 10:55 AM

some of these are just outright rude... Uneducated for not recognizing the difference between a meal and an entree? Some would argue that working at a fast food restaurant would mean you're uneducated but that would be rather presumptuous wouldn't it...

Dear holly woodrum,

No, sadly, that wouldn't be presumptuous in the slightest by the typical customer's standards. I feel that lacking the ability to read an aesthetically pleasing, exhaustive food menu that is itemized based on order number and enlarged for the elderly DOES indicate a lack of education...but I keep these thoughts to myself because they're "outright rude."

Then again, Miss Rum, look around you at all the hate. Look at all these comments, like your own, that attack our intelligence. You call us unmotivated and uneducated and words that I don't feel comfortable using and yet, we're still there waiting for you the next day. We're still smiling and saying "my pleasure" in response to your every whim even when life sucks and we're failing school and we don't know how we're going to afford rent next month.

And you know what else? We still have actual, working emotions meaning we still get frustrated, God forbid. And you know what else, else? We're still human freaking beings and deserve to be treated in the same manner we treat you when you enter those doors.


It's been a pleasure,

A Chick-fil-A Employee